i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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