now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
