ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
