i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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