I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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