I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
