I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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