Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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