I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
