I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
