scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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