You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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