you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
