Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize