For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
