I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
