Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
