Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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