Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize