Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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