In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
