She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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