Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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