i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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