don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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