I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
