Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
