I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
