i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
