My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
