He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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