She announced her abortion via fbk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
