I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
