What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
