just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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