im six kinds of drunk right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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