Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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