I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
