Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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