the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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