I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
