i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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