I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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