Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
