it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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