i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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