Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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