You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
