If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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