Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
