i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
