You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
