"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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