im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
