Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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