I think I won the penis lottery.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
