Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
