just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
