I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
