Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
