Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
