i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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