8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My ass is underappreciated
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
