He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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