Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
