Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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