help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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