he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
