i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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