i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
