I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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