Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
