i would punch a child for taco bell
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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