When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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