Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dick very happy bro
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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