i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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