I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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